This Just In: Milky Way Bars Might Be Healthy

Quote of the Day: “Well I got at least one person to nod. And they’re still awake.” - Pastor Tom Vencuss, after asking what was thought to have been the rhetorical question “Are we a spirit-filled church?” to his congregation

First of all, a belated happy birthday to Liz Sprayberry who is 21 as of yesterday.

Oh my goodness has anyone else seen Dwayne Wade lately? He’s incredible, unstoppable, and clearly the Heat’s MVP. Is he the next Jordan? No. There is no “next Jordan.” Get over it. But he is one of the most mature second-year players I have ever seen, and I say this because of his shot selection. The guy doesn’t take 3s. Why? Because he can take long 2s that he can hit more consistently and his defender usually won’t play him closely until he comes in past the foul line. And he knows this and exploits it.

As for Shaq, I love what Chris Broussard said on ESPN.com about Wade. “Just as Shaq was the best thing to happen to Kobe, Wade might be the best thing to happen to Shaq. A young Magic joined an aging Kareem and the rest was history. Perhaps in the young Wade and aging Shaq, we’re seeing history in the making.” Well even if they’re not making NBA history they’re at least making Heat history. They’ve won 8 playoff games in a single postseason for only the second time (1997). They’ve scored more than 100 points more times in this postseason (7 times) than in all the rest of their postseason experience combined (4 times). And two sweeps, something they had never done in a seven-game series before and had only done once before in a five-game series (2000). Now Shaq gets a week or more to rest his leg, having already rested it for half a week, and hopefully Detroit and Indy will take their series to 7 games (it’ll be at least 6).

Last night I went to Shaw’s (a grocery store for you non-New England types) and this was a conversation that went on behind me as I was waiting to check out.

Little boy: Can I have this?
Mother (presumably): No.
Boy: Isn’t 3 Musketeers healthy for you?
Mother: No it isn’t!
Boy: What about Snickers?
Mother: No.
Boy: Milky Way?
Mother: What?
Boy: Milky Way?
Mother: Oh. … I don’t know. Maybe.

I promise you there was nothing in that woman’s voice that makes me believe that she was kidding around. Now I ask you: are you serious?! What, because it has the word ‘milk’ in the name it might be healthy for you? This young mother wasn’t much older than I am and her son (and again, I’m only assuming that this is their relation) couldn’t have been any older than four. But this shouldn’t even be a question of the maturity of the mother, this should be a question of her general intelligence. I mean seriously, if I were to have put up a poll question here before relaying this story to you asking, “True or False - A Milky Way candy bar is healthy for you” what would the percentages have looked like? 97% false? 99% false? I sincerely hope she was joking and I just didn’t catch the punch line.

Alright, I’m done making fun of people. Tonight, anyway.

I can’t believe the month is half over. A little more than two weeks from now I’ll be in Colorado Springs. I guess I need to make the rest of this month count. And I need to hang out with people that live here. If you are a person that lives here (namely, Connecticut) and I’ve been a jerk and haven’t yet even communicated my presence in the state, I would apologize to you. But since I do this every year my apology by now no doubt seems insincere. So instead of apologizing I’ll simply state that in the future I might do better. It’s like I always say: aim low. Or something. Who knows, maybe the future is now.