As Things Draw To A Close

First, before I say anything else I must congratulate Matthew Day and Nicole Kelley, who combined have taught me four classes in my major, on the birth of their first child, a son named Henry Oliver Day. He’s here quite a bit earlier than expected but he and his mom are both doing fine. The comment was made in my Christianity in Antiquity class that with a name like that he sounds like he’ll be president someday. So remember the name folks.

Speaking of Christianity in Antiquity, I just got out of that class for the last time a little while ago. That was, in fact, the last real class I’ll have in my undergrad career. It still really hasn’t sunk in. All that’s left for me now are finals: two tests and a paper. One of those tests is today at 2 PM in Article & Essay Workshop. I don’t have a final in my Business Law class, so that’s all done already. I have a final paper due in Multicultural Film next Monday and a final test in Christianity in Antiquity next Friday. Yes, the same Friday I walk. I don’t like it either. But did you see that list? Did you note that there’s almost nothing on it? I dig that.

Tonight is a special night for me at Nav Night. It’s senior night, which means I’ll be called to the front of the room and people will come up and say nice things about me. Okay, so it’s a little deeper than I just made it sound but that’s the gist of it. I’ll be joined by Josh Kelley (no relation to my prof), Helen Anderson, Liz Sprayberry and Leigh Brown. I’ll admit, I’ve had this night on my mind for a while now. For the past days or so the chorus of that Nichole Nordeman song keeps going through my head:

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I keep wondering about those three questions. I don’t know how people will remember me. My fear is that I will be remembered as someone who led a bunch of teams and not someone who impacted people. And if that’s the case I have only myself to blame. It was my goal to be the leader of a bunch of teams when I first started getting involved with Navs. But that changed my junior year when I was finishing up as A-team leader (student president of the ministry). It wasn’t satisfying. Not like I wanted it to be. Sure, giving announcements on Thursdays and leading the weekly team meeting and, well, basically any instance when all eyes were on me was still a good feeling. But it was fleeting, there and gone at the end of each instance. But that year I started to build deeper relationships with people, teaching and counseling people younger than me spiritually. That was satisfying. It felt good to tell other people what I’d been taught by God and by my teachers. But I can’t shake those three questions. Will my public ministry, complete with job titles and bullet point responsibilities, overshadow and inevitably drown out the work done one-on-one, the work that changed people instead of organizations? Was any of this really done out of love, or was it done merely out of some selfish pursuit of gaining fame, influence or power? Lastly, and most importantly, have I been doing all this for God’s glory or for my own?

I guess I’ll get a glimpse of the answers tonight.

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