rantings, ravings and writings

Leading Off - I must say, I wish I was a student again. I was never this tired or this stressed out when I lived in the dorms and I was taking classes. Every time I go back into Kellum or Dorman I see people freaking out about the things they have to do, the way I used to freak out about the say types of things, and I just want to tell them, “Just wait.” People were not meant to be locked away in a cube for eight hours a day. It’s not natural.

Living Situation - This morning before I left for work I found out that my roommate Darren will not be my roommate for much longer. He’ll soon be moving out to move in with his parents in Jacksonville. The move is a smart financial one for him. It creates an interesting situation for me though. He’s trying to find someone to take on his part of the lease. At the moment it looks like it’ll be Lorenzo, the guy who’s been sleeping on our couch for the past three weeks. He’s got an interesting story, this Lorenzo fellow. He spent three years at a Bible institute in Tampa, has more scripture memorized than I do, but the Word hasn’t seemed to impact his heart. I’m torn about him moving in for a couple of reasons. He doesn’t seem to be moving out any time soon, so it will be good to be able to treat him like a roommate instead of like a guest. I’ve felt weird about laying down the law to my roommate’s guest, so I usually get Jacob to do it in the name of responsibility. Jacob and I have had to talk about Lorenzo on a variety of topics already including keeping his porn out of the living room, keeping his pot out of the house, and cleaning up the mess he makes of the place.

The rumor on the street is that my old roommate Scott P Moriak is returning to Tallahassee and is looking for a place to live. Personally I would much rather have him as the third roommate. But if all it means is that Scott will be the third and Lorenzo will forever be the unofficial fourth then I don’t know if I like that solution.

I will tell you this much: I will never again live with people I don’t know well when I have the option of living on my own. This has not been a good situation for me at all thus far. I’ve done some thinking on the subject. I think there are two types of discouragement: active and passive. Had I chosen to live by myself what I would have experienced was passive discouragement, because there would have been no one there discouraging me through word or deed, simply the lack of anything relational would have been a discouragement. But what I have right now is active discouragement. I have roommates who, while they could choose to be an encouragement, choose through their words and deeds to be a discouragement. Whether that choice be conscious or involuntary I don’t know. But I really don’t see it getting better any time soon. And I have to wonder, which type of discouragement is worse?

FSU vs Clemson - Well, I can’t say I didn’t warn you. I had a feeling we’d lose this game. I’ve been saying that since the middle of this summer. I am surprised by the way we lost. Our defense failed us in the last couple of minutes. That’s uncharacteristic of an FSU team. But the rest seemed pretty much by the book. Now, if our team holds to its “script” we won’t lose another home game this year, which would mean that we’d beat Florida. I have a feeling that’s not going to happen. In fact, we might even lose to BC.

The rest - I feel pretty miserable. I’m tired all the time. I don’t feel like I’m getting much out of what I’m doing with my time. I hate being asked how I’m doing. I had someone ask me that last night as I was leaving Kellum and I wouldn’t even stop to tell her. It’s ceremonial anyway; as soon as I said anything other than “good” or “alright” they’d regret having asked. I’m thinking about going to central Florida to see my grandmother this weekend. I just want to get away from all this for a while.

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