On the first Sunday of May two of my good friends, Kyle Kozloski and Nicki Nedelisky, got married in Ocala, Florida. Now, I know that I’ve been to a lot of weddings in the past eighteen months, but this one was special. No, I wasn’t in it, but I felt as much apart of this wedding as any other, including the ones in which I’ve had a role.
You see, this past year Kyle was one of my two roommates and Nicki one of my three next-door neighbors. On top off all that, all of us were campus ministers with The Navigators. When we all moved in to the respective sides of our hole-in-the-wall duplex in August ‘07 Kyle and Nicki weren’t even dating, much less thinking of marriage. In short, I got to witness these chapters of their love story unfold from a very unique angle. Before I become too far removed from it, I’d like to try to tell some of that story.
I remember a night in the spring after Kyle and Nicki were engaged. My roommates, Luke and Kyle, and I were getting ready for bed. The wedding was drawing near, and Luke commented that it had been fun to watch Kyle and Nicki fall in love. I immediately disagreed with him, which they both thought was hysterical. But I was being half serious. Don’t misunderstand me. Once they fell it was lots of fun, but the falling was not fun at all. The months leading up to their dating relationship were filled with suspense. Will they? Won’t they? Each week Luke, Kyle and I had a roommate meeting where we could share how we were struggling or how we needed prayer. In the fall those meetings more often than not featured Kyle lamenting over the proper way for him to relate to Nicki, whether he should start a second dating relationship with her, and what that would mean if he did.
Alyssa and Helen, Nicki’s roommates from this past year, probably agree with me to some extent. That fall they started calling Kyle “the elephant,” referring to the old expression “there’s an elephant in the room.” I imagine a typical conversation back in the fall might have sounded a little like this.
Nicki (getting off the phone): Kyle’s going to come over for a little bit, okay?
Helen (big smile): Oh, the elephant’s coming over!
Alyssa (big smile): Oh, the elephant’s coming over!
Nicki (small smile): Yeah, the elephant’s coming.
I can relate to that elephant feeling (though — and let’s be clear about this — I would never refer to Nicki as such). She and Kyle were fond of watching The Office together in our living room on her laptop, which generally signaled my cue to exit to the back of the house. Not only do I think The Office isn’t funny at all, but, you know, I didn’t want to be the third wheel on their fake-date. More than once Nicki had to assure me that it would be fine if I stayed out in the living room with them while they watched, to which I politely thanked her and made some excuse for needing to be at my computer (thank God for desktops).
This kind of thing went on for months. I have to admit, I had no idea how the story was going to end. As a rule I tend to think that most stories will have a happy ending so long as I’m not one of the principle characters. But with this I wasn’t sure. But I remember the exact moment I knew this story was going to have a happy ending. It was the beginning of December. It may very well have been December 1, because I think we were all celebrating Kyle’s brother’s birthday. I don’t recall how he did it, but Kyle really injured his back that day. Kyle has had chronic back trouble, but on this day he was in absolute agony, barely able to move.
So Ross’ party had given way to tending to Kyle and trying to get him comfortable. It was getting late and the birthday party crew had dwindled to myself, Ross, Nicki and Kyle. Nicki had gone to her side of the duplex to get something, a heating pad I think, and when she returned I stopped her at our door. Thinking that I was being considerate, I told her that I thought Ross and I could handle things if she wanted to go home and get some sleep. Looking past me, she responded saying, “I just want to take care of him,” and rushed into the house.
It wasn’t just her words, and it wasn’t just how she said them. She had a look on her face and in her eyes, a look that I can really only describe as a mothering look, a look that I hadn’t at all expected to see. But there it was. It was love. Because he was hurting so was she. I stood there in the doorway struck dumb by the scene, for it isn’t everyday you see that sort of thing. And even though they were still only fake-dating, that’s when I knew this story was going to end well.
They began real-dating not long after that, a week or two later. That came as both a joy and a relief to me. Finally! Of course, with this came a new question. When were they going to get engaged? And no, it wasn’t too early to begin asking. Saying they wanted to be a couple again was saying they wanted to be a couple for good. Allow me emphasize my point. I remember one afternoon in early January, before they were engaged. Luke, Kyle and I were in our kitchen. I was eating lunch. Then this little conversation happened.
Kyle: Nicki and I were talking and we might be getting married in April.
Me: [Pause for effect, then, incredulously, without looking up from my sandwich...] Whatever.
Luke: [High-pitched laughter, either at me or Kyle, possibly both.]
A few days later they were engaged. It was over MLK weekend. I’ve heard that story a hundred times now but I could never do it justice. Soon after they set a date of May 4. In the time between the “Yes” and the “I do” they were racing around putting the pieces of the wedding together. I would come home and find them on our couch, both on their laptops, with all sorts of everything laying out in front of them, making calls or talking through details. Most of my memory of those spring months, as far as wedding prep goes, has to do with hearing of their latest completed step and their next big hurdle. Kyle’s roommate meeting talks turned from lament to a strange mix of stress and peace: stress over the work that still needed to be done and peace over the woman he was marrying. Those months seemed to go by very fast. I can see why most couples don’t try to plan a wedding in such a small amount of time.
I remember the last night Kyle was my roommate. It was April 30. The FSU Nav staff, sans Kyle and Nicki, had just come back from a region-wide planning meeting in Gainesville. Kyle was going to Ocala the next morning where he’d be through the wedding day. The three of us went out for a late dinner at Gordo’s, a little Cuban restaurant near our house. It was all a little surreal. It was strange to think about the fact that he wasn’t going to be my roommate ever again, stranger still to think about who his next roommate was going to be! It had been a great year together. To not only be living together but to all be campus ministers for the same ministry together was very special. I’m going to miss it.
The wedding weekend, so far as I could tell, went exactly as they planned it. I got to be apart of so much more than I ever thought I would. Like I said, I wasn’t in the wedding, but you wouldn’t have known it. I went to Kyle’s bachelor party, played ultimate Frisbee with he and his groomsmen, and even attended the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (I received a last-second special invite from Nicki). To top it all off, instead of staying with my friend at his parents’ home, I got to stay in the hotel with the groomsmen. And not just any room — Kyle’s room. Yep, it was me, Kyle, Joe Landon, JD and Ross. (Fold-out couch for the win!) I continue to feel very blessed to have been apart of so much of that weekend.
The ceremony was very special. Nicki was such a beautiful bride! Their wedding included some moments I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Like when little Benjamin Wirgau, who’s possibly the cutest five-year-old ever, came in right on cue waving his little bell saying, “The bride is coming! The bride is coming!” Or how at least half a dozen times I thought Kyle and Nicki were going to kiss before they were told to. Or how the whole ceremony seemed to be happening around the bride and groom, that when you looked at them looking at each other it was as though they were already somewhere else entirely. But even if I forget all that, I’ll never forget their kiss! You have to know that these two had never kissed on the lips before. You also have to know that the groomsmen put me in charge of timing their kiss because we were betting on how long it would be (I know, men are twisted). That smooch was officially 12.23 seconds! I’m smiling just thinking about it. Those crazy kids.
The newlyweds were openly playful at their reception. Quite appropriately their first dance was to Ella Fitzgerald’s “At Last.” It was a classy reception, complete with a song from High School Musical (to which everyone seemed to know the corresponding dance). Cheesy Disney music not withstanding, it really was one heck of a party. We all danced the night away, and before too long Kyle and Nicki made their exit under a canopy of bubbles, off to a Jamaican honeymoon.
I said at the start that I felt very much apart of this wedding despite the fact that I didn’t hold any role in it. I think that’s because this is the first wedding in which I knew both the bride and the groom this well. In fact, I’ve only been to two other weddings where I’d even met both bride and groom prior to the ceremony, and in each case I knew one far better than the other. That’s what made this a unique experience for me. I’ve known both Kyle and Nicki for six years now. This past year I was privileged to get to know them both much better as fellow laborers and dear friends. I don’t typically express happiness with tears, but I had them on my face for most of their ceremony. Truly, I couldn’t be happier for them.
[A few photos I took during the wedding weekend are on my site and on Facebook.]
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