The Coalition for a Bigger Breakfast

One of the top memories I have of my first two years in college is of Saturdays spent at Camp Special as its residents Brent, Joel, Rob, and JD hosted Big Breakfast. No, it’s not much more complicated than the event’s name makes it sound. About once a month on a Saturday morning at around 10am — okay, maybe closer to 11am or noon — I’d crawl out of bed and make my way off campus where a veritable feast was waiting for me and scores more. Eventually the Big Breakfast tradition migrated from Camp Special to a number of different dorms on campus, including Salley Hall and Kellum Hall the years I lived in them. And I’m sure it also inspired the Saturday Morning Breakfast with Disney Movie crew who met frequently for two years or so in the apartments behind Camp Special. But for whatever reason, with the exception of one final hurrah before Brent moved to Austin two years ago, Big Breakfast has not returned to its point of origin.

Tomorrow it will.

My Family Away from Family

I write today to explain why I’ve made such a big deal out of Big Breakfast on Facebook this past week. Maybe it seemed a bit obsessive or over-marketed. But it wasn’t without cause. Going to Big Breakfast used to feel like going to a family reunion, where everyone I saw on a regular basis, those people I saw only rarely and those people I didn’t know but who were connected to my friends all gathered and had a great time over a large meal. Seeing my real family was pretty rare in those days. I never owned a car while I was a student, and even if I had owned one my nearest relatives were a five-hour trip away. Attending these kinds of events meant a lot to me.

Now I live in Camp Special (a house that refuses to be renamed despite 67 comments left on Facebook debating the subject). I’m roughly three and a half years out of college, complete with a car and money to spend on plane tickets to wherever. But Big Breakfast isn’t about me now. I’ve purposely chosen to stay connected with college students since graduating, and I wonder if maybe some of the ones I know can relate to my former situation. It’s time for their family reunion.

An Invite Fit for a King

My roommate Joe is a master wordsmith. I asked him to write the text to the Big Breakfast invite, which I’d like to share here for those out of the loop. It paints a vivid picture of what the morning will hold.

Intimidating, isn’t it? The body of text below, I mean. Just look at all of it. Are those footnotes? You don’t have time for footnotes! No time for laughter! What you need are the facts in a straightforward, no-nonsense manner.[1] Here they are:

Camp Special is hosting Big Breakfast on Saturday, November 14 from 10 am – 1 pm and you should bring a couple of friends (or dollars, if you’d care).

For those of you with a little more free time on your hands (or as most people call you, “students”) I would like to present the following meager document. Behold, the unabridged history of a place named Camp and the meal called Breakfast and the superlative known as Big:

“Man is what he eats.” – Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach
“Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” – Adelle Davis
“Cheese on four.” – Joel and Brent

The illustrious Camp Special has served as humble home to great gentlemen (including the attributed geniuses behind the tertiary quote above) and final resting place for countless other tenants (bugs, mostly—and Rob’s Lincoln[2]). Camp’s history is certainly as storied as its hosts. Ponce de Leon once scoured the property, convinced that the fountain of youth lay underneath[3] and Teddy Roosevelt shimmied up the backyard tree and in search of bald eagle eggs.[4] Yet there is one event that outshines even Christmas tree burnings, Stuff-Gives[5], and Thursdays in scope and importance.

One weekend afternoon not too long ago, several roommates were sitting around in the living room. “I’m hungry,” said one. And just like that, Big Breakfast was born.

It wasn’t too long before citizens of Tallahassee were taking the house by storm, all starving and eager for a way to break the fast.[6] They found sanctuary in the warm halls of Camp Special—a place where flapjacks were stacked high and coffee cups ran over.[7] It was a time of perpetual bliss where no stomach went empty. But that time was lost. For a time. But now the time for waiting is over and a new time has arrived, for Big Breakfast is timeless.

Time for some fun facts. Did you know:

• The plural for biscuit is biscuit.
• Johnny Depp modeled Jack Sparrow after the vicious sea pirate Captain Crunch.
• The following are anagrams for breakfast: “baker fats,” “stab freak,” “takes barf,” “bra—” actually, that’s probably enough.
• Grits are awesome.
• Theologians have long debated the subject of what Adam’s first meal was. Most agree it was fruit salad, though Aquinas argues that he had an egg white omelet with biscuit and milk. Five-point Calvinists maintain that Adam wasn’t in the garden long enough to eat breakfast.
• Studies show that 36% of people prefer eggs for breakfast, 30% of people like pancakes, 25% of people enjoy cereal, and 9% of losers don’t care for breakfast.

There are plenty of other things to know but for now, there are but three: It’s big. It’s breakfast. You’re coming.

Footnotes:
[1] And probably a hug. Seriously, take a breather.
[2] Strangely enough, fate and local legend have it that Abraham Lincoln’s cousin Eustace died in what is now the carport (citation needed).
[3] It doesn’t.
[4] Which he ate, sunny side up, along with the eagle. And half of the tree.
[5] Technically there has only been one Stuff-Give. And a glorious event it was.
[6] Which, by the way, has nothing to do with the actual word “breakfast.” Go figure.
[7] The latter “blessing” led to the much-repeated phrase “My flesh! It burns!”

Coming Soon

Even though I’ll be one of the cooks (eggs and crepes) I will do my best to take some photos and videos to post up online.